Aside from its historical impact, today is a truly emotional day for the country and the world. While I'm not the most emotional person, my eyes well-up watching a black man recite the oath of office. I have unwavering support for my new President but he has a tremendous burden and I pray for his safe-keeping.
Good luck, Mr. President. You've got a lot of work to do.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
100% Natural v2.0
hmm...where to start.
Circa 2004, I had an epiphany. I hate my hair. My hair was relaxed and constantly breaking\shedding. It never grew past neck length and so I thought, "This is as long as my hair will ever be." I mean, I flat-ironed it everyday and never moisturized as it would interfere my hair's body. I washed it a few days a week, blow-dried it, and never deep conditioned. Dear hair gods, large and small, what could be the problem? I didn't really have a hairstylist, so I would borrow a friend's stylist but never settled on one person. I was completely outdone with the relaxing process - can't scratch your scalp before your perm - can't wash your hair after the perm. So I decided to stop perming altogther. This was one of the best decisions I ever made.
For a few months, I let my hair grow. I didn't know it...but I was "transitioning." Yes, there's actually a name for it but I was unaware. Simply, I was letting my hair grow and refusing to relax. I transitioned for about three months, then visited a stylist who cut off all the relaxed ends. Adding to the things that I didn't know, this is called a "big chop." I called it "hell of devastation." Despite how much I hated my relaxed hair, cutting all my hair minus 1" was completely devastating. In an instant, I had a new self-image to address and I didn't like it. I felt completley unsexy. So what did I do? I immediately got braids.
I wore braids and two-strand twists for about a year (2005). They were a pleasant diversion. When I took them down, I would look at my hair.,..devastation was still winning but it was growing. Finally, I stopped wearing braids and twists and started rocking a 'fro. ok...going to work with a TWA takes courage. I felt like the new kid in school who sits alone in the cafeteria because they have no friends. So many looks and negative comments. Again, I'm dealing with a new self-image and here comes the disparaging comments. Misery loves company. Just because your cup runneth over with misery doesn't mean you can share with me. *thick skin enters stage right*
Over time, I started to love my hair! It took time but it was sincere. I loved how thick and dense it was. I loved the coils and the curls. I loved the randomness. I loved that I had to "work" to reach my scalp. But I didn't love my hair in the morning. At night, I was tie my hair down and in the morning, my hair would morph into this...mound of tightly packed kinky\curly\coily nightmare. There was no combing it...I had to wash it to re-shape it for work. After a year, I started researching options for loosening my hair's natural texture so that omit the daily shampoos. Ultimately, I found product that loosens the hair while allowing it to still be kinky. The only problem, this was a chemical treatment. *first setback enter stage left*
Once the chemical treatment was applied, I was immediately remorseful. What have I done?! Three years of a chem-free hair, I now have a low-grade perm. Are you kidding me? Arrrgh!! After the perm was applied, I see that my hair is still kinky\coily but it feels very diiferent. No longer thick and dense as I was accustomed. I no longer need to dig for my scalp. And as if this wasn't bad enough, I had my hair highlighted a few months later. *downstage center*
Feeling pseudo-natural, I made the most of it. Rocked a "pony-puff" almost daily...a feat I wasn't able to do before. No longer needed to shampoo or co-wash everyday. Thank you. But my hair wasn't thriving. When I would detangle, I would leave so much (too much) hair in the comb. My hair growth seemed stunted and the color made it worse. I hated my hair. I HATED MY HAIR! The same coif that I loved to run my fingers through feeling all the waves, curls, and coils was now thin and breaking. I wanted to be natural again - 100% natural - not this texlax stuff. No perm, no hair dye...just my unprocessed hair the way it used to be.
On May 16, 2008, I had a second a "big chop." Once again, I had all my hair cut off sans 1" and it was equally devastating the second time around. I vowed this time, however, to be approach my hair differently and be smarter. I had to learn from previous mistakes and this was my new starting point. I started "lurking" on a host of hair boards and ultimately joining one learning how other naturals approached their hair. Of course, going through this phase led to some "product junki-ism" but I think that's part of the process! Currently, I've accepted daily co-washes as a part of my morning routine and it's no longer an issue. I think once my hair gets longer, I'll no longer need to do this. Which brings me to this point - growth aids. If it says it will grow hair, I'll probably buy it and use it. When I was texlax'd, I was used to tossy my kinky-coif into a puff and heading out the door. I want this back and to get there (quickly), I use a variety of growth aids. If it's made for a vaginal yeast infection but grows hair, gimme it! If it's made for horses and won't cause me to nay, bring it! With reason, I'm willing to do a lot of things to grow hair quickly.
Conditioner. I'm a complete conditioner whore. There's nothing better than finding the perfect conditioner for your hair. ehh...ok, there are lots of things better than finding the perfect conditioner for your hair but I'll keep this G-rated. A good conditioner forgives a lot so I keep my conditioner close.
This brings me to today. Today, I love my hair. I put much more time and effort into my hair than I did previously. It's thick and has elasticity. I'm continuing to learn what my hair likes and dislikes and we have a happy co-existence. I enjoy meeting other naturals - not solely for exchanging hair tips but because we all have a similar story. Although my hair is still short (~6"), I'm excited to see what it will look like in a year! I appreciate my hair and while not everyone will like it, I completely love it.
*end scene*
Circa 2004, I had an epiphany. I hate my hair. My hair was relaxed and constantly breaking\shedding. It never grew past neck length and so I thought, "This is as long as my hair will ever be." I mean, I flat-ironed it everyday and never moisturized as it would interfere my hair's body. I washed it a few days a week, blow-dried it, and never deep conditioned. Dear hair gods, large and small, what could be the problem? I didn't really have a hairstylist, so I would borrow a friend's stylist but never settled on one person. I was completely outdone with the relaxing process - can't scratch your scalp before your perm - can't wash your hair after the perm. So I decided to stop perming altogther. This was one of the best decisions I ever made.
For a few months, I let my hair grow. I didn't know it...but I was "transitioning." Yes, there's actually a name for it but I was unaware. Simply, I was letting my hair grow and refusing to relax. I transitioned for about three months, then visited a stylist who cut off all the relaxed ends. Adding to the things that I didn't know, this is called a "big chop." I called it "hell of devastation." Despite how much I hated my relaxed hair, cutting all my hair minus 1" was completely devastating. In an instant, I had a new self-image to address and I didn't like it. I felt completley unsexy. So what did I do? I immediately got braids.
I wore braids and two-strand twists for about a year (2005). They were a pleasant diversion. When I took them down, I would look at my hair.,..devastation was still winning but it was growing. Finally, I stopped wearing braids and twists and started rocking a 'fro. ok...going to work with a TWA takes courage. I felt like the new kid in school who sits alone in the cafeteria because they have no friends. So many looks and negative comments. Again, I'm dealing with a new self-image and here comes the disparaging comments. Misery loves company. Just because your cup runneth over with misery doesn't mean you can share with me. *thick skin enters stage right*
Over time, I started to love my hair! It took time but it was sincere. I loved how thick and dense it was. I loved the coils and the curls. I loved the randomness. I loved that I had to "work" to reach my scalp. But I didn't love my hair in the morning. At night, I was tie my hair down and in the morning, my hair would morph into this...mound of tightly packed kinky\curly\coily nightmare. There was no combing it...I had to wash it to re-shape it for work. After a year, I started researching options for loosening my hair's natural texture so that omit the daily shampoos. Ultimately, I found product that loosens the hair while allowing it to still be kinky. The only problem, this was a chemical treatment. *first setback enter stage left*
Once the chemical treatment was applied, I was immediately remorseful. What have I done?! Three years of a chem-free hair, I now have a low-grade perm. Are you kidding me? Arrrgh!! After the perm was applied, I see that my hair is still kinky\coily but it feels very diiferent. No longer thick and dense as I was accustomed. I no longer need to dig for my scalp. And as if this wasn't bad enough, I had my hair highlighted a few months later. *downstage center*
Feeling pseudo-natural, I made the most of it. Rocked a "pony-puff" almost daily...a feat I wasn't able to do before. No longer needed to shampoo or co-wash everyday. Thank you. But my hair wasn't thriving. When I would detangle, I would leave so much (too much) hair in the comb. My hair growth seemed stunted and the color made it worse. I hated my hair. I HATED MY HAIR! The same coif that I loved to run my fingers through feeling all the waves, curls, and coils was now thin and breaking. I wanted to be natural again - 100% natural - not this texlax stuff. No perm, no hair dye...just my unprocessed hair the way it used to be.
On May 16, 2008, I had a second a "big chop." Once again, I had all my hair cut off sans 1" and it was equally devastating the second time around. I vowed this time, however, to be approach my hair differently and be smarter. I had to learn from previous mistakes and this was my new starting point. I started "lurking" on a host of hair boards and ultimately joining one learning how other naturals approached their hair. Of course, going through this phase led to some "product junki-ism" but I think that's part of the process! Currently, I've accepted daily co-washes as a part of my morning routine and it's no longer an issue. I think once my hair gets longer, I'll no longer need to do this. Which brings me to this point - growth aids. If it says it will grow hair, I'll probably buy it and use it. When I was texlax'd, I was used to tossy my kinky-coif into a puff and heading out the door. I want this back and to get there (quickly), I use a variety of growth aids. If it's made for a vaginal yeast infection but grows hair, gimme it! If it's made for horses and won't cause me to nay, bring it! With reason, I'm willing to do a lot of things to grow hair quickly.
Conditioner. I'm a complete conditioner whore. There's nothing better than finding the perfect conditioner for your hair. ehh...ok, there are lots of things better than finding the perfect conditioner for your hair but I'll keep this G-rated. A good conditioner forgives a lot so I keep my conditioner close.
This brings me to today. Today, I love my hair. I put much more time and effort into my hair than I did previously. It's thick and has elasticity. I'm continuing to learn what my hair likes and dislikes and we have a happy co-existence. I enjoy meeting other naturals - not solely for exchanging hair tips but because we all have a similar story. Although my hair is still short (~6"), I'm excited to see what it will look like in a year! I appreciate my hair and while not everyone will like it, I completely love it.
*end scene*
Monday, December 1, 2008
Why So Sebaceous?
Sebaceous...to be filled with sebum.
A few years ago, I noticed a "pimple" on my back. It was larger than most but wasn't painful. Periodically, I would squeeze it but it was just there...idle. Aside from being unpretty, I thought, "This is something I'm going to have to explain one day." It was about the size of an egg that had been cut in half lengthwise and placed under the skin. It was firm and lived in my bra-line. We had an amicable relationship. I walked on my side of the street.
Fast forward about five years, my "pimple" recently woke-up and became painful. Initially, I thought, "My dormant pimple has a pimple. It'll go away." Tisk, tisk...my wayward "pimple" had different plans. Not only was it painful, but it changed shaped and became soft. I had a friend look at it and after cross-referencing WebMD, she says, "You have a sebaceous cyst." A sebaceous cyst?! And according to WebMD, I'm just a dirty girl. Blocked sweat glands and dead skin cells are NOT what little girls are made of.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008, 1pm: I have an appointment at a local surgical center to have the cyst drained. Easy enough...I do a bit of research and I'm not concerned. I arrive at the surgical center, complete the paperwork, and wait my turn. My name is called (Yay, I did it!) and I proceed to the back. The doctor comes in, numbs the area, and commences cyst drainage. It was a little painful but not enough to claim a sick day. The doctors instructs me to change the dressing daily and shower twice a day allowing water hit my back and naturally clean the area.
Thursday, November 27, 2008: Thanksgiving Day. Umm, no shower.
Friday, November 28, 2008: My former cyst site is burning a bit...perhaps I should shower and change the dressing? It's amazing how little things can make you feel like a kid again because I felt like I needed my mommy (that's a different blog). I removed the old dressing and hopped into the shower. After my shower, I peeked at my back and it was icky. I had a hole in my back! OMG, it was completely ugly and still tender. No stitches. No liquid bandage - just a hole and it's so ugly.
Later on, a friend came over and dressed it (God love her) but the dressing came off and perhaps it was for the best. It's still ugly but the site seems to have dried out a bit. Now, in addition to being ugly, it's itchy...like any other sore or tattoo. I'm on the mend but this will require lots of cocoa butter!
So boys and girls, the moral of this story is wash your back. Wash it long and hard to lessen the likelihood of sebum filled sacs assembling on your back. Wash your back with the same zip and enthusiasm as you would any other part of your body *ahem.*
A few years ago, I noticed a "pimple" on my back. It was larger than most but wasn't painful. Periodically, I would squeeze it but it was just there...idle. Aside from being unpretty, I thought, "This is something I'm going to have to explain one day." It was about the size of an egg that had been cut in half lengthwise and placed under the skin. It was firm and lived in my bra-line. We had an amicable relationship. I walked on my side of the street.
Fast forward about five years, my "pimple" recently woke-up and became painful. Initially, I thought, "My dormant pimple has a pimple. It'll go away." Tisk, tisk...my wayward "pimple" had different plans. Not only was it painful, but it changed shaped and became soft. I had a friend look at it and after cross-referencing WebMD, she says, "You have a sebaceous cyst." A sebaceous cyst?! And according to WebMD, I'm just a dirty girl. Blocked sweat glands and dead skin cells are NOT what little girls are made of.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008, 1pm: I have an appointment at a local surgical center to have the cyst drained. Easy enough...I do a bit of research and I'm not concerned. I arrive at the surgical center, complete the paperwork, and wait my turn. My name is called (Yay, I did it!) and I proceed to the back. The doctor comes in, numbs the area, and commences cyst drainage. It was a little painful but not enough to claim a sick day. The doctors instructs me to change the dressing daily and shower twice a day allowing water hit my back and naturally clean the area.
Thursday, November 27, 2008: Thanksgiving Day. Umm, no shower.
Friday, November 28, 2008: My former cyst site is burning a bit...perhaps I should shower and change the dressing? It's amazing how little things can make you feel like a kid again because I felt like I needed my mommy (that's a different blog). I removed the old dressing and hopped into the shower. After my shower, I peeked at my back and it was icky. I had a hole in my back! OMG, it was completely ugly and still tender. No stitches. No liquid bandage - just a hole and it's so ugly.
Later on, a friend came over and dressed it (God love her) but the dressing came off and perhaps it was for the best. It's still ugly but the site seems to have dried out a bit. Now, in addition to being ugly, it's itchy...like any other sore or tattoo. I'm on the mend but this will require lots of cocoa butter!
So boys and girls, the moral of this story is wash your back. Wash it long and hard to lessen the likelihood of sebum filled sacs assembling on your back. Wash your back with the same zip and enthusiasm as you would any other part of your body *ahem.*
Sunday, October 14, 2007
5:30p
My Grandma died today, ~5:30p. She was 95. She lived a long life but this really sucks.
I love you, Grandma.
I love you, Grandma.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
And then what...?
Ya know...I often wonder if I'll get married. I didn't get asked to the prom so I wonder if marriage is what God permits for me. At this moment in my life, many of my friends are getting married and\or having babies and I'm sincerely happy for them. But I've often wondered, "What happens the day AFTER you return from the honeymoon?" Who cares then? Months of bridal planning gab, you walk down the aisle, profess your love before God, go and return from your honeymoon, and then what? Do you simply go to work the next day? Gone are the days of, "OMG, tell me about your dress!" Who's going to make a fuss over you now?
Brides are rock stars. They have their own t-shirts...B-R-I-D-E. These tee's are often white and bedazzled. Or these tee's say, "The Future Mrs. ____." These tee's always evoke an obligatory "awe" within you. I mean, can you wear this tee AFTER the nuptials?
I hope my heart softens and that I'll meet love. Perhaps I have a fantasy notion of love and marriage but I sincerely wonder if marriage is all that its purported to be and that perhaps there's nothing wrong with my life as it is.
Brides are rock stars. They have their own t-shirts...B-R-I-D-E. These tee's are often white and bedazzled. Or these tee's say, "The Future Mrs. ____." These tee's always evoke an obligatory "awe" within you. I mean, can you wear this tee AFTER the nuptials?
I hope my heart softens and that I'll meet love. Perhaps I have a fantasy notion of love and marriage but I sincerely wonder if marriage is all that its purported to be and that perhaps there's nothing wrong with my life as it is.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Sans Love
This scribe is the beginning of what I know will be a beautiful relationship. Maybe. While channeling "Carrie Bradshaw," I have to ask..."Does love exist?" Easily most would say, "Yes, absolutely!" but not me. I'm thirty-five years old and I've never been in love. Never. I've had relationships, two long term relationships but didn't love either. Saying "I love you" is to truly be vulnerable; like a cat exposing its belly. It never seemed organic - so I never said it. Consequently, I've never been told that I was loved.
As my uterus and I get older, I question love. What is it and why haven't I experienced it? Do you have to be pretty to receive love? I'm not very pretty so that could be a contributing factor. Ehhh, I don't know...I've seen less attractive women on the town with their "love" so it's hard to say.
Currently, I'm not in a relationship and haven't been for about seven years (yep, seven years). This time span has allowed me to look at the dynamics of my friend's relationships and I now savor all those components for myself. I want the butterflies in my stomach and I want the noon day "Just checking in" call. I want the understood "Friday night date." I want to be part of a "We." I want to feel special and I want to matter. I want to say "I love you" but right now, love is bullshit.
As my uterus and I get older, I question love. What is it and why haven't I experienced it? Do you have to be pretty to receive love? I'm not very pretty so that could be a contributing factor. Ehhh, I don't know...I've seen less attractive women on the town with their "love" so it's hard to say.
Currently, I'm not in a relationship and haven't been for about seven years (yep, seven years). This time span has allowed me to look at the dynamics of my friend's relationships and I now savor all those components for myself. I want the butterflies in my stomach and I want the noon day "Just checking in" call. I want the understood "Friday night date." I want to be part of a "We." I want to feel special and I want to matter. I want to say "I love you" but right now, love is bullshit.
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